A Spiraling Trap

So, I find myself deep within the spiraling trap of the story-restarting loop. And it's all because I haven't been able to write every day. Or at least that's what I tell myself to help me feel better.

You see, I tend to keep all the bits of my story in my head as I write. I'm not really one for an outline-- I prefer to let the story unfold before me. I do like to have a bit of a skeleton idea of major plot and theme points, but I let it flesh itself out on all the in between stuff. It makes for some pretty messy drafts, but some pretty exciting writing sessions.

My current story hit a pretty hefty roadblock about 20,000 words in, and while I could have probably put my head down and barreled through it, I was in a pretty vulnerable place in my life and I chose to just let it sit instead. Bad decision. All of the pieces of the story I'd been holding in my head disappeared before I got back to it.

So, I moved onto a different project instead, thinking I just needed a fresh start. But I'm not ready for that project-- not yet. So I went back to my first one. Of course, I'd lost so many of my original ideas that were floating in my head, and I'd considered so many new ones, that I just went ahead and started over from the beginning. I figured there was no harm-- after all, I'd be rewriting it all anyway to work in the nifty new stuff I'd thought of.

Of course, that was like three restarts ago. Yeah, it's a trap. One that keeps repeating itself. 7000 words into a new draft, and it's such a disaster that I feel like I have to start over just to keep my sanity. Each time I say that I'm going to keep at it every day so I don't lose all those precious mental pieces, but it keeps falling apart. Maybe I just need to spend an hour or more everyday just writing down those ideas, in a cohesive and interesting form-- that's what they call writing a story, right? Or at least the starting point for one.

Here's what I keep telling myself, as I heard from a panel at the Life, Universe and Everything conference a few months ago. "Give yourself permission to write crap. You can fix crap; you can't fix a blank page." -Julie Wright

My Writing Space

There are two main places I write: at my desk or on my couch. Whenever I try to write somewhere else, I find it far more difficult. Recently, I spent several hours waiting for some repairs to be done on my car. I knew it was coming, and brought my laptop to get some solid writing time in. As you may have guessed, it didn't work out quite as I hoped. In fact, I found so many distractions that I don't normally encounter in the relative quiet of my home.

There was the incessant TV, endlessly playing news programs. I had no interest, yet even with headphones and some of my traditional writing music, the chatter kept pulling me out of the moment. Then there were the dozens of people who walked in and out of the waiting room, each catching my eye, however briefly, and pulling me out of my writing. And finally there were the wafting scents of fresh popcorn and cookies-- yeah, complimentary even, which made my healthy eating pledge and stomach both growl.

All in all, it made for a less productive atmosphere for my writing. But it got me thinking about the distractions I still have in my home writing space, even if I've learned to work around them. If I'm at my desk, there are stacks of bills and paperwork, piles of general clutter, even old dishes from a snack. These things don't keep me from writing, but they sure do make it more difficult.

The answer-- remove the distractions that I can, and learn to work around the others. At the car shop, for example, I could have turned my chair away from the TV, perhaps even facing a wall if necessary. At home, I can clear off my desk, finding a new place to house my paperwork-- even putting it all away when it's my writing time and then bringing it back up afterward. And I'm sure my wife will be happy if I put old dishes into the dishwasher when I'm finished with them.

Distractions can be a huge bane to my writing. Like the act of writing itself, it takes some planning and discipline to eliminate distractions. I hope the payoff is as large as I think it will be.

What about you? Where can you reduce distractions to your writing?

My New Goal System

I promised I'd be back to talk about my new series of goals. It's not too complex actually. I just created a series of tiers for my goals and some escalating rewards to go along with those tiers. The basic level are things I can control on a daily basis, like actually sitting down and writing or eating within my allotted amount. Hit enough of those daily goals in a week and I get a small reward. Do it for 2 weeks and get a bigger reward. Hit a milestone and get an even larger reward. Arrive at my destination, get a significant reward.

I've been at it a couple of weeks now, and it's working quite well. But that alone isn't what makes it valuable. It's the fact that I've selected goals that balance my life in a way that hasn't happened in a very long time, if ever. I have goals for physical health, mental and emotional health, spiritual health, and writing- my essence-health. There's a goal for each of them and tiers to help me get there.

Last week I considered the things that are keeping me from my novel. These goals are to keep me focused, so I don't lose another novel to the trivial parts of my life. I've probably lost one or two already, certainly several more if you factor in the years I spent not writing. But no more.

It would be great if I didn't need the small incentives to make sure I get to my writing and other healthy habits each day, and I hope one day to get there. But until I do, I'll take motivation wherever I can find it.

Losing your novel

Recently, The Verge posted about some comments George R.R. Martin made at a Game of Thrones screening. As I'm not a particular fan of the TV show and haven't sifted through the rest of my backlog of books enough to start reading his series, there was really only one thing he said that I found interesting. In reference to video games that he played back in the 80s, he said, "I think I probably lost a novel or two there."

I'm not looking to make any sort of commentary on video games-- there's likely enough debate on that topic already. But George R.R. Martin's comment about having lost a novel made me start to consider my current situation, and what I may be doing that is making me lose a novel. Am I spending too much time reading and not enough writing? Too much TV? Too much work? Too much idle surfing? Of course the list could go on, but I've identified my big hurdles. And that's the first step-- knowing what's stopping you. The next step, overcoming and changing, is far heftier.

I've set myself a series of goals to help me re-center and balance my life, prioritizing writing a bit higher than it's been recently. I've never been good with goals, but this time is pretty different. I'll explain why next week.

In the mean time-- what's keeping you from your highest potential with your writing?

Love the story you have to tell

I've wanted to be a published author ever since I was a kid. I remember when I first began reading The Wheel of Time, I was so enthralled-- I wanted to do that myself. I was too young to read such a weighty novel, too young to try to write one. But I didn't care about either of those thoughts; I just started writing. I had a list of possible names, but nothing more. It was a creativity and a freedom that I've never since felt, not in any of my unpublished works. The blank page set my imagination racing, and my fingers laced the keys to keep up; writing my first novel is how I learned to type. I had to fill those pages somehow.

But why is it different now? Why is the blank page more like a set of steel bars than a pair of powerful wings? Why do I spend more time rereading my last paragraph than creating the next one? Why is my backspace key more worn than the space bar?

My answer: I'm not writing for myself right now. I'm writing, looking to have it read, to have it published. I need to get back to the simplistic love of the story I have to tell.

Just tell your story at first. Fix it up for readers and editors and publishers later. The first draft is for you. And you alone.

Put the work first

Current wisdom states that any up and coming writer needs to start building a network-- fans, professional ties, writer friends, etc. Have a presence on the internet, pick your favorite social network and get started. You'll be pretty alone at first, but that's okay. Keep going. It'll come.

Here's the question I ask myself whenever I sit down with my limited writing time. Am I better served by focusing on social media, freelance assignments & pitches, or on my current work? Freelance has been winning out lately. Next is my novel, and last-- blogging and twitter.

My wisdom: make sure you take care of your writing first, networking second. After all, a great author will find a network by being a great author. But the opposite is not necessarily true.

Put the work first. There is no substitute, no shortcut, for getting the words on the page-- and getting them right.

Handling Rejection

Getting any kind of writing work, be it fiction or freelance-journalism, is an uphill battle. Editors already have long lists of outstanding, skilled, and experienced writers. Most of the editors I've met will honestly say that they are always looking for new writers. But the reality I've found is not quite so simple. 

I got my first writing gig with a website and accompanying magazine a little over a year ago. I pitched to an associate editor and never heard back. After about a month, I followed up, pitching a different angle. We finally connected, though it was my first pitch that he preferred. It took another 6 months before I received an assignment and started writing and getting paid. 

Recently, I've been working with a new editor at a website, we worked through my pitch, and I got a draft submitted. Then came the email every writer fears-- "not what I had in mind". It's that moment of rejection that struck me like a fist in the gut. Part of me just wanted to toss the whole thing away-- after all the hours I spent on the draft that was in the wrong direction-- maybe I'm not cut out for this writing thing anyway. And it wasn't like I had tons of alternate angles to pitch in rebuttal.

Except, I did. I just didn't know it. 

So, here's my formula for surviving rejection-- and I know I'm going to have plenty of it. It's simple really: DO NOTHING. For at least an hour, find something else to do. Do not respond, do not think, do not ponder. Go immediately to something else. For me, it was dinner. I talked it out some with my wife, and afterward we had a lovely meal together. Then, I got back to the drawing board and sure enough, more than a dozen alternatives came out. I picked the best and pitched anew.

You see, my thinking is that in the moment, feeling rejected and crushed, I'm not thinking clearly. Anything I write, whether a response to the editor or a rewrite to the article, it will all be emotionally charged. Sure, it may not be completely visible, but it will be there. Much better to take a beat. Besides, no editor is going to expect an immediate fix to anything they send back.

I know my rejection isn't so bad. This editor and I are still going to work together. But these mini-rejections are the perfect place to practice taking time for myself before I respond. That way, I'll already know what to do when bigger rejections come my way.

How about you? How do you come with rejection?